Most painful decision in years

Although I've become more and more nihilistic, there is still an idealistic streak within me, something made more evident when I made a final choice to accept a job offer from ST Electronics Info-Software Systems.

Well, you see, in my desperation I have applied for MINDEF DXO in Simulation Systems and Training and ST Electronics Info-Soft. Just when I thought that the MINDEF higher management thinks that I'm not a suitable candidate for the DXO position, I got informed that my application got through and I need to wait for some "processing" or official confirmation, in addition to further medical and security clearance.

So yeah, it seemed like an obvious choice to make. DXO's a better job in terms of name, remuneration, benefits and arguably, even the job experience itself. I made my decision based on my career goal, and that is to become an IT project manager by climbing from the bottom level. This means I need to gain real-life industry technical experience.

The only real issue I had with the DXO job is that I start out coordinating military exercises and managing System Engineers, somewhat a step above a Software Engineer position that ST Electronics Info-soft offers. The computer system that the DXO position involved in is so much of a specialized tool that if I were to leave the job after a couple of years (Which is my intention), my choices will be limited. The only transferable skills I have would be management, and what companies are looking for in an IT manager are relevant experience. The worse case scenario is that I would be stuck to continuing these military-based jobs.

Yes, canceling this job application, which already gained approval by MINDEF, was the most painful decision I have made so far my entire life. Truth be told, I have no genuine love for a Software Engineer position at ST Electronics, and my interest in technology is becoming questionable, but deep within me I still wanted to see if I can develop my career through Software Development.

My frustration levels forced me to find a company which almost guarantees a job: Of the 10+ companies I've considered, 9 responded and I went through 10+ interviews and aptitude tests but I got ZERO offers. None, not even NCS itself which is the true breaking point for me. Seeing how screwed up my first job search is, I'm on the verge of giving up on advancing my career, which is why I applied for the DXO position (Its about job security) in the first place.

Even if that DXO position is an accursed one and hence the MINDEF HR department was being desperate, its still a superior job. One might say idealism leads to stupidity, and my decision here can be considered a good example of that. For the record here, ST Electronics here is one last chance for me to see if a technical career is truly for me. I may regret this one day, but so be it...

Let's move on.